What Your Car Says About You

It is generally agreed that you can tell something about a person by looking at the car they drive. Here is a list of common cars and what they can tell you about the owner.
Audi A4:
I care what the automotive press says.
Buick Park Avenue:
I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Deville:
I am a very good Mary Kay Salesperson.
Chevrolet Camaro:
I enjoy beating up people.
Chevrolet Cavalier coupe:
I start 11th grade in the fall.
Chevrolet Chevelle:
My parents gave me my car.
Chevrolet Chevette:
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'vette.
Chevrolet Corvette:
I am having a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet Nova:
I do not speak spanish.
Chevrolet El Camino:
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chevrolet Z71:
I believe dead animals in the back do enhance the look of my vehicle.
Datsun/Nissan 280Z:
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheelwell.
Dodge Aries:
I teach third grade special education and I voted for George Bush.
Dodge Durango:
I will not be caught dead in a Ford Explorer.
Dodge Neon:
I cannot stand the Macarena.
Ford F-150:
I'm hoping to inherit the farm.
Ford Superduty F-350 Dually:
I wanna be a trucker.
Ford Crown Victoria:
I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Ford Explorer:
I will not be caught dead in a minivan.
Ford Mustang 5.0:
I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Mustang 2.3:
I avoid Yugos and VW microbuses at the stoplights.
Ford Tempo:
I teach fourth grade special education and I voted for Bill Clinton.
Honda Civic:
I just graduated and have no credit at all.
Honda Accord:
I am a lemming.
Hyundai Accent:
I delivered pizza for years in order to get this car.
Infiniti Q45:
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Jaguar XJS V-12:
I am so rich I will pay $60,000.00 for a car that is in the shop 280 days of the year.
Lexus LS400:
I am the lawyer suing the owner of the Infiniti Q45.
Lincoln Navigator:
I don't know or care what the price of gas is.
Lincoln Town Car:
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis:
I live for bridge and covered dish suppers.
Mercedes 600SL:
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 600SEL:
I have a daughter named Buffy and a son named Biff.
Mazda Miata:
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.
MGB:
I am dating a mechanic.
Nissan Altima:
I don't know what it means, either.
Nissan 300ZX:
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile 442:
I am a man's man. I am a woman's man. Children flock to me and animals trust me. I are far more intelligent than my peers but modest. I have the body of a greek god and my armpits smell like Chanel #5. I use cold fusion to heat my home. I know the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I also know the question. I have, regrettably, had to kill people because of things I told them. Nothing is beyond my reach or my grasp. I know why torque wins the day and why there is no replacement for displacement. I am not a lemming.
Oldsmobile Cutlass:
I have all the attributes of a 442 owner but want a car with a name, not a number.
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel:
I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
Oldsmobile Toronado:
I love watching peoples faces when I do a front wheel burnout.
Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser:
I have a room for a roman orgy in my car. Nuff' said.
Plymouth Neon:
I enjoy the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans Am:
I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 928:
I am dating big-haired women who would otherwise be inaccessable to me.
Range Rover:
I do not care about J.D. Powers or his surveys.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow:
I think Maggie Thatcher is a touch too Whig for me.
Saturn SL1:
I hope someday to make it to a gathering in Spring Hill.
Saturn SL2:
I made it to a gathering in Spring Hill.
Volkswagen Beetle:
I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Jetta:
I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Volkswagen Microbus:
I am tripping right now.
Volkswagen New Beetle:
I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volvo 740 Wagon:
I am afraid of my wife.

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