Roz Reports on Her Gay Son's Suicide
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Dead Gay Kids Don;t Talk, But Others May Have Known The Truth.
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Introduction

In the 1995 paper, The Homosexuality factor in the Youth Suicide Problem, it was stated that "dead gay kids don't talk," but that often enough someone has information related to the victim's homosexual orientation. A Calgary example was reported in the 1996 Update to "The Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Factor in the Youth Suicide Problem. A same-age female friend - "A" - of a 17-year-old Calgary male suicide victim knew about his homosexual orientation but she had not told anyone until she attended a 1996 Youth Suicide Forum held in Calgary. Although the organizers had decided to be silent on the subject of homosexuality being related to youth suicide issues, I had broken the silence, for which "A" later thanked me. She then spoke about her friend, his homosexual orientation, and the highly homophobic school he attended. This web page reports on a similar case of socially constructed "silence" which has existed about an American boy who committed suicide at school. The information was made available by a 20-year-old American female I have been relating with for two months with the hopes of better understanding the eating disorders and suicide problems affecting her.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Steve, a Gay Adolescent Male, Commits Suicide at School


Note: The text is edited and names were changed. The final copy was sent to Maria for approval before it was made available on the Internet. The information was received on September 20, 1999
 

I was troubled by the information you sent to me and decided to tell you the story of a boy who was in grade 9 with me and committed suicide about 7 years ago. He did this right in front of our P.E. class.

I remember so clearly that day Steve did it, and the last day I saw him. He was in a few of my classes and was a straight A student who was the nicest boy one could ever meet! That weekend we had Monday off, so this all happened on Tuesday. He had called 911 from the school and said he had a gun.

Some of us were in the field when he came running out and then we heard a sound and he dropped. Police cars were there a second too late, and Steve was pronounced dead an hour later.

WE were all talking about what had just happened and who it was, but none of us knew his identity until later. I couldn't bear the classes I had him in, because we sat next to each other and we were partners in projects all the time. I would see his empty desk and would break down, until finally they put the desk in the back of the room.

About a week later I was grading tests and I came across his. I still graded it as if he would be getting it, and he had failed that test. It was an eye opener for me: I knew he'd never gotten a failing grade in that class, and I realized that he knew what he was gong to do at that point.

I kept asking myself if there was anything I could have done, but how could I as [the mother of another gay male who committed suicide] said. There were none of the signs. He never told me how unhappy he was, and that his parents were getting a divorce.

The thing is, people let his parents continue to believe Steve did this maybe because of the divorce. That was the only thing the papers and news gave for a why. When I was talking to his dad at the funeral he asked me if his son had shown any signs of this. The signs he might have given were not obvious enough to see. No matter how many times I tried to remember any signs, it was too late. Steve was gone and that was that.

With him, you would have never imagined suicide to have been possible. College yes, good career yes, long life yes, but not death. He never had much to say to people he didn't know; he was very shy and felt comfortable only talking to the ones he knew. Steve also never passed judgment on anyone.

Yet, after all this happened, they all passed judgment on him. People would say that he was stupid to do this, and that was just plain selfish. I knew, however, how he must have felt because I had also been dealing with suicide issues. I therefore couldn't deal with others making jokes about his death. I was just not going to let that happen, not for his sake, or my own, or the others that were in the same position.

They had counselors at our school for about a week afterwards for students to talk with about their feelings concerning all of this. My teacher made me talk to one, and all they had to say was: "Did he mention the divorce?" I was thinking what bullshit! How about the idea that he didn't do this because of his parents, but because he was gay and he didn't want to say anything!

But no one even asked that question, and I wasn't about to tell them what Steve had told me weeks before; he was gay. Why? Because I wasn't about to let others make fun of that too. The only thing I could do was to try and make his image good. I never told his parents what he had told me, and no one knew except for one other person: the one he was with. He also, however, didn't want to say anything about it because that would make others not accept him as well.

At times I want to pick up the phone and call his dad and tell him the truth (maybe) concerning why Steve committed suicide. Unfortunately, both his parents are strongly religious and that might only make them very angry. I nonetheless feel at peace with the fact that [he] had confided in me, and the rest was up to him. But now no one except myself and one other person will ever know the real Steve and why he killed himself, and that is very sad.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Related Discussion

Upon reading the above account of the suicide of a Grade-9 boy, Bruce's mother (who discovered that her son was gay only after his death, via a suicide note) wrote a letter to the Maria (a pseudonym), after Maria had also read what Bruce's mother had felt and written as the result of her son's death. The majority of the letter is rendered below.

Dear 'Maria',

......Bringing the truth to light is the most important part of being a caring human being, and when we hide the truth... our human spirit is damaged.  Our human spirit is what drives us to living life to our fullest potential, and it's important to love ourselves and forgive those who judge us or don't know how to love us as we are.  No one is perfect on this planet, but we try to do our own personal best. This morning I cried when I read in your letter that your friend died because he was gay. And I want to tell you that there is something wonderful you can do for his parents... tell them the truth.

It doesn't matter that it was years ago... the truth frees us when we use it.  I know your reasons were to protect anyone from tarnishing his memory, but his parents, in spite of the fact that they're religious, will face the truth however they so chose. It's not your burden to protect them, as a matter of fact, you may free them from the extreme guilt of believing their divorce caused their son's death! What a gift that would be to them. There is nothing better than the truth.

You could write them a letter and explain and then you, yourself, would be free of the burden of hiding something inside yourself and carrying the weight of it subconsciously all these years. What a hard thing it must've been for you to know. You need to take care of yourself. The blessing of releasing the truth will be life-giving to both yourself and that boy's parents. It's 'never' too late for the truth. They will understand and forgive your silence all these years.

My God, you were just a kid yourself.  If I were in your shoes, I'd probably have done the same thing feeling I was protecting my friend. But as we grow older, and having start figuring out what is really the best thing for ourselves, we constantly change and grow into taking responsibility for what we believe in and how we want to be. There is love in 'truth'.  When we are truthful because we care, we are respecting and loving ourselves and others.

I would welcome anyone with more truth about Bruce. The more we can know about those we love, the closer we are to them. It's that simple. You could bring your friend's parents to know more about their son and also themselves, and, though, it may not be easy for them... they'll have at least, the 'truth' of it all, and how they progress with that information is their journey here, and their responsibility... not yours.  Bruce probably thought he was protecting us all by his pretense, but keeping a secret is deadly to our 'self'.

I hope you don't mind that I've said what I have here and I'm not intruding into your life, but again, I care about you and am just reaching out to help. I believe you'll get well, because you're getting in touch with who you are. The easiest way for find out who you are is to find out 'who you don't want to be'.  We all have a right to live our own lives and own truths... I hope you'll live yours.

God bless and protect you, Maria. You are a special person. And if I could be there with you right now... I'd give you a great big hug and just hold you.

Love,

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...The letter was forwarded to Maria with a follow-up comment from me, producing the following responses:

Pierre: Do not want you to fret about recommendation made. Understand, however, where she comes from. Plus, she decided to go public because she recognized that most people do not do so and then more gay kids like her son keep on killing themselves because no one sees - wants to see - this factor.

Maria: Actually it gave me a parent's prospective on it, so it was nice to hear. But the question that is on my mind, is what if his parents aren't so understanding as she was? I don't want to hurt them even more, and i don't want to keep them from the truth either! So kind of confused at the moment. Also I will be sending her a response after this one.

Pierre: Must weigh all factors, and there are also other ways to use such information to let people know not only that this happens, but also why no one will talk - making things even worse for the ones who know.

Should you want to tell the boy who died that day 'something' that you never had a chance to do publicly - concerning whatever - I'll place it at the end.  Do you think it would be appropriate to place a gold rotating cross on the page? What was his religious status?

Maria: Yes I would like to say something to Steve, actually after his death I wrote him a letter, so may use that, but i'll send it later. A cross would be fine! I believe in some of the religion aspects, but I know he was a religious person and he would have liked that a lot!

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Maria was also asked about the dead boy's friend (Michael - a pseudonym) in the following manner:

Pierre: Who was the other one involved with Steve? What happened to him as the result of the suicide.

Maria: He was one of his close friends, Michael. The last time I even saw him was about 2 years ago. Steve  had his group of friends and I had mine, so I never knew Michael all that well. We talked many times after the suicide, and he told me his concerns of coming out, and I understood this. We live in a small town, that the population is about 12,000, and most of the people here are the big jock type of people who sit around and make jokes of people like Michael and Steve. I told Michael that it would be better if he would come out, and that he might be surprised to know how many people accepted him if he did come out. But he wasn't ready to make that step, which I can very much understand. So to this day I don't know if he has told any one or not.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Next email from Maria:

Pierre: When talking with Michael did he mention why Steve  would have committed suicide? What were his feelings? Any of the particulars?  I ask this because there is a good chance that he was feeling mega-guilt. Even more than you, he would likely feel that he KNEW and therefore failed to do anything to help his friend. Something like this is enough to wreck his life for a long time.

Maria:Michael told me Steve was acting different, but that he thought that was because of him knowing he was gay. He told me he himself also felt different. But I never got much details on Michael and Steve, so I don't know any of that part. He told me he felt somewhat responsible for this, but I tried to tell him he could have never known; I really doubt that made him feel better. I let him know I was here for him, and that he could call or talk to me anytime, it didn't matter. That was about the last time I actually talked to him about it. He tried to avoid talking about it, so we just kept our talk about school and other things. He's away in college now, so I hope he's doing well, because I know how tough it was and still is for him.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Maria's response to Bruce's mother concerning revealing the truth about Steve's suicide and the associated "gay" factor.

Below is my response to Bruce's mother.

Thank you for your letter, it gave me a mother's perspective on this situation. I think what you are doing with letting others know about your situation is wonderful, I have to say we need a lot more mothers like you.

You gave me much to think about here, and I'm really confused! I want to tell Steve's parents the truth about him, but I am afraid that they will not be as accepting as you were, and they may even blame themselves more.

On the other hand, it might give them some what of a reason why this occurred. I've dealt with these questions for the past 7 years or so, and every year that goes by, it seems further and further away. I realize that with parents it will never go away, and all their questions will never be answered.

If I do contact them and tell them, I don't even know where I'd begin. "Hi, this is Maria, Steve's friend, and I need to tell you that he was gay, but didn't want to say anything. So I decided to keep this from you all these years." That just doesn't sound right. I also don't know if I'd even be able to get the words out.

Also, what if it was because of his parents - mainly - that he didn't want to come out, because he knew how they would feel about him? Now remember his parents are very religious. I'll let Pierre know what I decide, so he can relay message to you.

Also I wanted to thank you for your words, thoughts, and encouragement. I really need to hear those things every once and a while, so I can stay on this track.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Maria's Letter to Steve Shortly after his Suicide

Note: Names have been changed. Text transcribed and forwarded on September 22, 1999.

Steve:

Why did you leave the world to leave so many of us with all these unanswered questions? I could be so mad at you if I didn't love and miss you so much. I've been talking with Michael, as you probably know, and he's real upset and I'm afraid for his life too. He thinks he is partly to blame, god damn it Steve! Why did you do this? Didn't you realize that there are many people out there that would accept the fact that you are (were) gay? But now, you left me and the only other person who knew about this, to deal with what you didn't finish.

Michael doesn't want to say anything either about him being gay, which leaves me in the middle. He thinks you had good reason to keep this from others. Is this what you want Michael to believe? That with being gay, suicide is the only answer? Because I'm pretty sure that's how he's feeling right now. No matter how angry I get with you, it just stays there and won't be solved! You will never be able to answer my questions, or even fight back with me.

What I wouldn't give for you to be my lab partner and argue with me on our projects. When you shot yourself right in front of my P.E. class, I didn't even know that it was you, I didn't have any clue what was about to happen in the next few hours. After my (our) teacher told the class who it was, and that you had died, I broke down. My body hurt so much, and  I went so hysterical that I had to go home. And so did many of your friends.

Steve, you had so much to live for, and you didn't even know it! You were so intelligent and the nicest person there will ever be! You had a way with making every one like you, although you were quiet and shy. I can't even tell you how sad your parents are. They think it was because of the divorce, and how could I even tell them, that was not the case? They've already been trough so much more then any parent should. I guess that's what you were afraid of too huh?

But Steve if you were alive to tell them this, I know they'd have been understanding, but you're not and I have to start remembering that. Do know what the weird thing is? When we have to choose partners in class, I always - for a quick second - think: "Oh Steve and I can be partners." But we never will be, and there will always be the chair you once sat in, the locker you once used, and a picture of you in my head wearing your nerdy little hat.

You loved that hat so much that you dad buried it with you. But you know that too. You know it all, but yet we can't know what your doing or how you are. Your funeral was unbearable! Your dad and mom sat together and consoled each other. See Steve they cared so much about you that even though they are getting a divorce they still held on to one another.

At the burial service your dad talked to all of us, and told us suicide was never the answer, and he couldn't even finish. He just bent over and cried on your casket. Was this what you wanted us to deal with? Steve coming out would have been so much easier for everyone! No matter who accepted you and who did not, you still be able to be here. I feel that someone cheated you, didn't give you the chance to say anything, but why did you have to also cheat yourself?

We will never know the man you could have turned out to be! You could have done anything, touched so many more hearts, you had so god damn much to give Steve! I'm so sorry for being angry with you, but I don't know how else to feel. How should I feel knowing how priceless you  were, and that you CHOOSE to end that all? I also fell very hypocritical for being angry with you, when I myself have been to that point.

But I'm still here Steve, so why aren't you? I'm still going to our classes and doing our work, so why aren't you here to help me?  I'll never forget you as long as I live, and always be very sad when I think of all you had to offer. I hope you are at peace now, because you do deserve it!

Love forever and always
 

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Maria's Present Feelings Related to the Suicide

Extremely hard to read again the letter I had written, and very difficult to stop crying long enough to type. Well, since another night is shot, to sleep. I just can't stop thinking right now, that I want to scream! My whole life is running through my head, and everyone involved. I just feel so damn helpless right now!

It's like it just happened all over again, and those same feelings I felt then are here now. It's the what if's and the why's. But I know that there will always be those, and it will remain so, until something is drastically done with suicide! I know if I would have known I would have tried to do something, but I didn't, so I couldn't! And that's the worst part!
 

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Information from a number of emails were incorporated in the following rendition of an ongoing story.  Someday, Steve's parent may learn the truth about their son's suicide, as will the school authorities, and the community. The road to such an outcome, however, will not be easy for all concerned, beginning with Maria.

Bruce's Mother: (Related to telling Steve's parents the truth about his homosexual orientation:] All of her problems, I know, are not tied into this, but.... every burden thrown off lightens the load we carry.. no??

Maria: Yes, it all has a load on me, but also trying to decide if this would be the best answer for Steve's parents. I know I can't protect them, but the person I still am wanting to protect is Steve. I don't want this to ruin his memory for his parents. I also don't want the guilt related to not having prevented his suicide. I mean I wish more then anything I could have, but I couldn't. I didn't know.

Pierre: In the book, The Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Factor in The Youth Suicide Problem,  I reported on Suzanne's experience in similar but different situation, and giving you this information may help you understand how you have felt about Steve's death. She is my sister-in-law and she had asked me about my work. When I began describing the many problems of lesbian kids on their way to realizing they are lesbian, I described a number of the scenarios possible. One of them was recently reported to be statistically significant in a 1987 school-based study bu results were only reported in 1999:

Lesbian and Bisexual Adolescents: Identity Formation, Coming Out and HIV Risk Behaviors. - Minnesota Public School Study: Lesbian and bisexual female adolescents are more likely to have engaged in heterosexual intercourse and are more likely to become pregnant (Family Planning Perspective, 1999: - http://www.iapac.org/clinmgt/conferences/ncwh/P2-67.html .)
This fact, however,  was being recognized in the 1980's by the ones working more directly with gay and lesbian youth, but mainstream suicidologists (given their history of abysmal ignorance of these issues, maybe because such information threatens their traditional beliefs about youth suicide problems)  have generally responded to such "hands-on" information with accusation of "bias."  As a result, ignorance had reigned supreme, thus causing them to also generally ignore the results of many community-based suicidality studies of gay and lesbian youth.

With respect to suicide problems of lesbian youth, the following was rendered in "The Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Factor in The Youth Suicide Problem."

In October, 1992, I was telling my sister-in-law, Suzanne, about my work. This included telling her about the signs lesbian youth may manifest. Without knowing it, I was describing her friend who had committed suicide at the age of 19. She had often told Suzanne she was revolted by male approaching her in a sexual way, and she had quizzed Suzanne about lesbian-related matter. This was then followed by a highly promiscuous heterosexual period resulting in pregnancy. Alone, one night, she aimed a gun at where the fetus would be and killed herself.
Some lesbian youth, and gay male youth, do report having gone through a highly promiscuous heterosexual stage. Troiden (1989) reports that, "in some cases, and adolescent female may purposefully become pregnant as a means of 'proving' that she couldn't possibly be homosexual" (152: 57). Schneider (1988) notes that promiscuity sometimes indicates that a young person is "struggling with issues of sexual orientation." "Heterosexual promiscuity may be a desperate attempt by the gay and lesbian adolescent to affirm a heterosexual orientation. For straight youth, it may serve to ward off fears that they may be homosexual" (128: 90). [P. 23]

References:

152. Troiden RR (1989). The formation of homosexual identities. In: Herdt G. Ed. Gay and Lesbian Youth. Harrington Park Press, N.Y. Also published in the Journal of Homosexuality,

128. Schneider M (1988). Often Invisible: Counselling Gay and Lesbian Youth. Central Toronto Youth Services. Books available from Central Toronto Youth Services.
Maria: When I read this I was dumb founded! She must be really struggling if she killed herself and the fetus. I have also known many girls that have been promiscuous for this reason, straight or gay.

Pierre: The most important part of the conversation with Suzanne, however, occurred with respect to her feelings with respect to the suicide which were similar to your feelings, Maria. At the beach that same day, she had noticed the gun in her friend's bag and questioned its presence. A credible explanation was given but, the next day, she had learned about the suicide her friend had planned and carried out. Suzanne felt tremendous guilt about not having "seen" what was to happen and for therefore not having done anything to prevent it. Now, as the result of what I had presented, even more guilt was being experienced, as it was also the case when you read the letter to Bruce by his mother.

Maria: See, that's just it! We don't put two in two together, because we think that person will never commit suicide, but have been wrong many times. We should not be blaming the person who saw these signs either.

Pierre: That is, in Suzanne's case, there has been "signs" for years that her friend was in trouble - for reasons related to recognizing her homosexual desires - but no one saw these signs although Suzanne could have "seen" had she been educated about lesbian issues. As she stated, however, "Hell, at that time, I didn't even know anything about heterosexuality, and knew even less about this." I then explained how society and its 'professionals' expend tremendous amount of energy to make sure kids learn nothing about homosexuality so that no one knows anything, and that it is this ignorance very much implicated in the fact that these "at risk" kids are not only killing themselves, but when they do, few ever recognize the real "homosexual" reason for their deaths.

Maria: Big mistake on the part of teachers and care givers, if you ask me. It seems as though if they bring it up, kids will suddenly become gay, but this is not the case at all! It would help these kids who are struggling day in and day out with these issues. Wouldn't feel so alone.

Pierre: In the case of Suzanne's friend, dealing with her homosexual desires was enough to have caused her to become suicidal - a socially constructed ('engineered) situation - and, as so many kids do in similar situation, they desperately try to convince themselves and others that they are 250% heterosexual, with most observers failing to use the wisdom Shakespeare located in Hamlet (Act 3) via the statement 'Methinks he/she doth protest too much': "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."  To help Suzanne come to terms with her now increased inner guilt situation, I explained how society - all of US, which includes me - have been responsible for not only maintaining maximum casualty levels for these kids, but that professionals - such as suicidologists and almost all professionals working with adolescents - have also been diligently working so that this issue continues to be ignored, thus making sure that their maximum casualty status will be maintained.

Maria: The 250% statement, really got me to think. Saw that when in school. Lots of pressure on kids to not be gay or lesbian and they desperately try to show they are otherwise, even the ones knowing they are maybe not even 100% heterosexual.

Pierre: Therefore, as you may see Maria, the feelings and problems you have had with respect to your friends suicide, your silence in this respect and the related guilt, are the results of the 'work' of many people, including the counselors who came to your school after the suicide. The true 'job' was to make sure that no one would discover the truth about his suicide, and they also made sure that you never felt comfortable ever telling them what you knew. Then, the general response to his suicide also 'worked' to silence you, also meaning that you were being recruited to produce a particular distasteful result: 'As long as no ones knows the truth, all is well for US who have hated these kids, and WE are quite happy that that faggot killed himself. WE also hope that more do, which is why WE set it up for you to keep the secret.'

Maria: Ouch! The word faggot is very harsh! That's the thing I wanted to prevent others from saying about Steve. I know that if they'd known they had said that exact thing!

Pierre: As you probably now realize, this part of your life factored into your own suicide problems, some of the troubling issues you have had with the homosexual aspect of yourself that exists in most people (who will deny it and "protest" in this respect (See the "adams.htm" web page: http://www.youth-suicide.com/gay-bisexual/adams.htm), the problems you have had with eating disorders (where again the 'professionals' failed you because, like youth suicidologists, they are NOT "the experts" they claim to be. Neither were the 'professional' who 'treated' you for the child sexual abuse you experienced. They were much more interested in recruiting you into the clique of "survivors," meaning that you were to become a never ending victim of something which was related to only 10% of your problems, instead of the 100% asserted by them. About 90% of your problems, however, were related to encountering highly incompetent professionals either during the related "child sexual abuse" court case and after in the hospital and in therapy.

Bruce's mother wanted you to tell your Steve's parent's the real reason why he committed suicide that day, using the principle that "the truth will set you [and other] free." It is NOT, however, that simple, nor related to just one truth to be recognized and told. There are a whole bunch of "truths" - all not so nice and with major implications - which must be dealt with before one becomes apparently "free," at least a little bit. Furthermore, none of these "truths" are enjoyable to deal with because they are also linked to other "truths" like the masses of 'professionals' still being produced who are essentially 'working' to harm other kids like you and kids who are gay or lesbian. Should you also have died from one of your many suicide attempts, the "therapy" records would have led everyone to believe that you were "the victim" of everything they had worked to make you believe - which is what  "they believed!"

Maria: I think I've decided to write Steve's parents a letter, give them the web site address, and leave them my number in case they have any questions about this. I've decided that I can't do a damn thing with this information, except tell his parents the truth. If they don't want to except it, then maybe in time they will. And maybe Bruce's mother was right about Steve telling me, because he couldn't tell his parents. And maybe he's not at peace yet, and this will help. But who knows, at least I do owe it to them to tell them the truth. I'm not going to do it yet, but in a week or so, I think I'll be ready. [Note: This response came a few emails later, after more related thoughts and discussions.]

Pierre: On result of such suicides is that professionals then complain that more 'professionals' like them are desperately needed to 'treat' ever increasing number of kids with life-threatening problems so that, of course, kids like Steve continue to kill themselves, and kids like you and others with varying problems continue to have problems, as yet an ever increasing 'clique' of 'professionals' are produced and get paid to go to conferences so they can then end up making each other believe they are "professionals." The truth, however, is more like you once rendered as based on your experiences with therapists: 'They don't understand shit!' Even worse, they had set it up so that you could not tell them what was really inside of you, because all of that would have challenged what they believed. So came the day when you pointed the revolver to your head - believing it was loaded because this had always been the case with that gun, and you pulled the trigger.

Maria: I was just so tired of reaching out for help, and having to explain myself, and basically give them reasons why I felt this way. Shit, I didn't know at that point what they wanted to hear. If I told them how I felt about this whole thing with [the one who abuse me], they would have told me I was just in denial. But the thing was, I wasn't! I was about the only one who wasn't in denial. So then, it was much easier to kill myself.

Pierre: As with the other suicide attempts, you can now maybe see how "the professionals" totally failed you, but another group of 'professionals' - teachers - were also failing Steve, and they would continue to do this with many more kids. Teachers have, in fact, have been quite pro-active in maintaining the mean homophobia situation existing in the minds of so many kids as taught to them by parents, religious leaders, society in general, and ,pst teachers have diligently continued to ignore these issues. The school counselors also did the same, as did the special counselors who came to your school after Steve's suicide, and as mainstream youth suicidologists continue to do.

Maria: Kids are quite used to feeding professionals the information they want to have, and I did the same, no more beyond that! You see, teachers, therapists, and everyone else for that matter only want you to know half the truth, maybe not even half. More like a fourth. Then you become as ignorant and narrow minded as them, unless you yourself do something about it.

Pierre: These are therefore some of the other "truths" that must come to light before anyone "is free," or truly free. Bruce's mother is doing what she can, but her American family decided to lie about the real reason Bruce had died because they did not want such "gossip" - related to his homosexuality - to exist in their neighborhood. All of these socially construction situations, however, only 'work' to make sure no one 'knows' - when they do know - and even more similar kids then end up killing themselves, as mainstream suicidologists continue to only be "experts" in rendering: "Are there other reasons we can invent to avoid this homosexuality issue in youth suicide problems?"

Maria: I'm sure their question isn't if there is anything we can do to prevent homosexual suicide, but rather to prevent homosexuals!

Pierre: Much work obviously remains to be done, but it is difficult when even the ones who should care - such as mainstream gay and lesbian youth advocacy groups are also 'telling' everyone to ignore suicide issues related to homosexuality. Don't believe me? Even thinking: "How could this be?" I now welcome you to visit the web site by The National Youth Advocacy Coalition - http://www.nyacyouth.org/ . Check out their 'education' resources using the "find" browser function with the word "suicide" for a taste of their great concern. The page is at - http://www.nyacyouth.org/resources-biblio.htm#top .

Only one reference there about the suicide of a gay kid which occurred 15 years ago. From these reference, one would never think that about one third of gay and lesbian kids attempt suicide, which is more like a pandemic level problem. Someday, I'll explain the underlying truth related to why gay and lesbian communities have generally avoided addressing the issue related to Steve's and Bruce's death. In ways that they will certainly not appreciate, they will also have to come to terms with certain unwelcome truths which may set them free. Until then, the deaths and the pandemic of suicide attempters will continue, even after these kids venture into the core of gay and lesbian communities.

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...A final note: The counselors who came to your school after Steve's death were all well trained in this respect, and the blame for this goes all the way up to American Government institutions like NIMH (The National Institute of Mental Health) and the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) which have a web site at - http://www.cdc.gov/. I challenge you to go to their site and locate anything significant about gay and lesbian kids having serious suicide problems. Even worse! Go the page of the CDC's official questionnaire used to study adolescent problems in schools located at - http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dash/yrbs/survey99.htm . The questionnaire produces The Youth Risk Behavior Surveys, and they continue to not ask any question related to sexual orientation "because" they apparently do not want to know, nor do they want others to recognized this fact either. Also, with respect to studying kids at risk, the CDC assert that it is the “Role Model” for others to follow! Check it out at this CDC web page - http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dash/yrbs/yrbsaag.htm - but you must scroll to locate the section headlined with “CDC’s Leadership Role” in large bold letter.

Maria: Very sad! Especially when the (therapists, and even the CDC) should be helping, but instead they leave no one able to tell the truth about this. And the outcome? "Well, no big deal just a couple more kids blowing their heads off!" The kind of kids everyone is supposed to hate too. So why care, right?

Pierre: Without doubt, with ‘friends’ such as the professionals located at the CDC and at NIMH, you should not wonder anymore about why kids like Steve and Bruce continue to kill themselves, and also why kids such as yourself have continued to have suicide problems. In other words, the counselors who came to your schools did not "magically" just become as incompetent as they presented themselves to be. Considerable education was needed to produce such harmful beings, and this result was also  accomplished with “leadership” coming from the highest levels in the American Government.

Maria: "American Government" tells it all. More like a laughing matter to me now, but serious problem before probably because of this too. I also had incompetent therapists for my eating disorder problem: all related to what they were probably made to believe when they were trained. One of them got so mad at me when I actually told her I didn't agree with what she was saying at all, that she told me this would be our last meeting, because I wasn't ready for help. Now was this the case at all? Nope! Of course not, she just couldn't take that I had a different opinion and that I wasn't going to follow her views. So what else to do, except say I wasn't complying?

Social Construction of Male Homosexuality and Related Suicide Problems...Author's Note: The anonymity of the individuals on this web page may eventually be removed, and even the name of the State and the School where the suicide occurred will be revealed. This will only be possible, however, after Steve's parents learn the truth concerning their son's suicide - an outcome which will require much courage from Maria - and if they then wish to have the information made public so that important changes may then occur in their state - or even throughout North America. This outcome will be occurring because they do not want to see more kids end their lives as Steve did. Unfortunately, to this day, the CDC (and even NIMH) has only provided a "Leadership Role"  with respect to ignoring life-threatening gay and lesbian adolescent issues. The result of the situation: the maintenance of a maximum casualty level in the gay and lesbian youth population and associated life-threatening problems for other youths such as Maria.


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More Information at: The Original Site on GB Male Suicide Problems